March 15th, 2009.
I have embarked upon a written journey that shall occupy a great deal of my time from
this point forth: A Long Rendezvous, a story about Chopin and Sand that I will post
online in installments. I can't help but feel hopeful that my colleague Moricz will
read it. I never thought anyone would ever read what I write, much less enjoy it!
Moricz's profile picture is a drawing of Chopin, which I hope he has drawn himself.
I had the pleasure of seeing Capriol this morning. I once again drove him away with my
excessive talking. I need to just be quiet, but I just want to talk to him!
Honestly, I wish I was mute. I loathe my voice, alas one thing that won't be muted is
the pain within myself. Capriol is so amazing and beautiful to me. I want to cry.
One day I will overcome this sadness. Perhaps when Capriol leaves forever. I will mourn,
and one day my dreams of a secret rendezvous on the birthday of Antonio Vivaldi, March 4th,
will come true and I will be loved equivocally. Or, being loved by my art will be good enough.
But this lachrymose sadness, sometimes it is just unbearable. I later saw Capriol at lunch
and he avoided me. It hurts. My head feels heavy and I cannot even focus. I don't think I'll
finish this chapter tonight. Perhaps this will have to wait until tomorrow. Oh, but
how I don't want to let Monsieur Moricz down!!!!